He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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