do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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