I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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