I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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