They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
