Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
