You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
