While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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