I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just high enough for therapy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize