My balls are so social today.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
