im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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