You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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