For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
