Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
