Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
