If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
