OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
