sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
