I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
