oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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