it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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