somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
