She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
