Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
