when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
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