I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
