11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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