would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
