I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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