I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
