He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
