so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
