he was CRYING into my vagina
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
