so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
