My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I still have a little drunk in my system
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
