i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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