i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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