Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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