Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
