on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
