We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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