I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
