I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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