I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
