2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
