Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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