I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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