ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
