just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
