Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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