well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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