he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
