thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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