My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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