Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
