Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
